I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Boobs are out for the taking
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
