I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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