Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
