Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
