His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
