i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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