Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
