Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
