I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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