I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
