Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize