I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
