3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
