just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
