it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
