...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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