I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
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she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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