If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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