either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
