Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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