I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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