I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
