youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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