I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Welp...herpes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
