My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
