Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
