Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
MIDGETS
????
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
