I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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