last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
