I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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