we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
