Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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