just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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