I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
