it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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