Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
