Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm always down for nudity.
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