I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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