if you like me you must not know who I am
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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