I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize