i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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