I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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