Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
