i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
