He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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