She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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