you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
