i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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