just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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