you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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