On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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