Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
