$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize