You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
