did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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