So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
