this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
