hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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