goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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