halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
