I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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