you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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