barbara walters just said penis...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
