I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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