did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
