Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
