Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
