i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
