If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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