all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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