Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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